Is marriage 50/50?

I am a fan of the show “The Bachelorette”.  I know I know, you’re all thinking “great, another bachelor nation fan. Blah, blah, blah.” My mom and I used to watch every season together, and Monday nights were known as “The Bachelor(ette)” nights. Or Dancing with the Stars nights when the Bachelor was not on.

(By the way mom, if you’re reading this I miss our Monday nights on the couch watching these shows, a lot)

Anyways, on this last season of the show, Becca (the bachelorette) kept asking and telling the men that she wanted “50/50” from all of them. But I just kept shaking my head every time she said that.

50/50, that makes sense right? You give 50%, I’ll give 50% and that makes 100%. From a mathematical standpoint yes that does make sense. But when it comes to marriage and relationships, it does not add up correctly.

Here is why.

In a relationship there are 2 WHOLE people. If you only put 50% of yourself into that relationship, how well do you think that relationship will be? And if your spouse is only putting in 50% of themselves how well do you think you’ll react? Probably not well.

So, what is the amount of yourself that needs to be put in?


That is the value that everyone should be putting into their relationship. 100/100. Plain and simple.

Even though 100/100 can be applied to in all kinds of relationships I think it is incredibly important that it be even more valued in marriage.

Is 100/100 possible?

Yes. But I think we are all aware that it is not the easiest of tasks.

There are going to be times in your marriage where it’s not going to feel 100/100. You’ll feel like you are giving 120% while the other person doesn’t care. You may feel yourself giving less than 50% at times because you’re thinking “What’s the use?”. It can be tiring trying to give your WHOLE 100% self.

And I think this is where we have to ask ourselves, “What kind of marriage do I want? And hopefully the answer is, “a great marriage!”

What if your marriage was 100/100? How amazing would that be? To be in a relationship where your spouse fully supports, gives, listens, respects, and loves their hardest because you do the same for them? To wake up choosing love and joy in your marriage because your spouse does the same? Even when it gets hard and frustrating at times? I mean I think that’d be awesome, don’t you?

I believe that one of the hardest parts about this, and just being married in general, is learning how to be selfless. It sounds really easy to do, and it is when things are going well and you feel loved and respected. When things aren’t so great and you wish your spouse would check in to the hotel across the street for the night, that is when it’s really difficult.

I have to double check myself probably one day a week on this. After Brendan comes home from a stressful day of flight school and I’m not in the best mood, that is when I have to remind myself that 100/100 doesn’t just happen. I have to remember to choose to be selfless and give before I take it out on my husband.

So, here is my question for you today. How can you participate in your marriage for it to be 100/100?

Thanks for reading,


Ephesians 4:2-3 (NIV) “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” 

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