Moving isn’t the part that sucks.
Uh, you guys. Here’s how I’m really feeling.
I don’t want to move, for multiple reasons.
We LOVE California. We love the weather, the people, our neighbors, how much stuff there is to do, how dog friendly it is, everything.
However, physically moving isn’t the part that sucks.
STARTING OVER IS.
And I just freakin did it 10 MONTHS AGO.
During one of my therapy sessions we talked about moving. Okay we’ve talked a lot about moving and what it has done for me, but one thing that stood out was this.
“Moving is normally viewed as an ‘end’ for people. For you it’s a new beginning!”
Part of me wanted to say out loud,
“BUT I DON’T WANT A NEW BEGINNING.”
I did agree with her and it is true. But Lord does it suck.
If you haven’t heard me clear enough, I’ll say it for the people in the back.
“I DON’T WANT TO START OVER AGAIN. FOR THE 4TH TIME. I DON’T WANNA”
Sometimes I think it will be fun, and parts of it are. I mean you get to decorate a new home, explore your new town, meet new people, new restaurants and more.
But that bright and shiny new “fun” feeling wears off quick. And then it just sucks for awhile.
When I am introduced to new environments it takes me longer than I would say is “normal” to really settle in and be myself.
It’s funny because naturally I am a very extroverted person. But at first I am some what reserved until everything is comfortable.
Every time we have moved I have lost a little bit of who I am. Broken off pieces of myself and moved them to new environments. But I have a hard time putting them back together and finding all of the pieces.
It really took a toll on me emotionally this year. Losing a lot when moving, figuring out who I am again, and again and again…
I had a harder time finding Erin again this last go around.
The beginning of this year has been me working to REALLY put all of the pieces back together. It has taken some time but it was needed. As I said in one of my emotional healing posts “I felt broken”, and I am no longer broken.
Okay, not all of my feelings about moving are bad. I will be meeting up with some old friends and meeting new ones! And it will be fun to travel across the country (again) and see more new places and some familiar ones.
I need to remind myself that this is good, it’s a refresh button, it will be fun, I get to bring my WHOLE self along and not as many broken pieces this time.
Maybe I’ll switch the word moving to.. Vacation! 🤪
That’ll make it more fun. HA!
Okay, in all seriousness this will be hard at the end of the day. Arriving in North Carolina for the first time, having to check into a hotel, look at new housing, waiting for our things to arrive. All to get settled in and then do it again in a few years.
But you know what is good about it? God is in control. This is apart of His plan and we will be there for a reason. To learn things, to grow, to meet people…
He is in the details of all of our chaotic plans. In every mile that we drive, tear that may fall, wrong turns we may take, fights we may have, and prayers we will say.
God is there for all of it.
So, if you’re in any sort of “starting over” process, I’m right there with you. It’s not easy but it is worth it.
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV
Thanks for reading,
~Erin, The Short Wife