Independence 101

When it comes to decision making I am the worst. My whole life I’ve always relied on others and their input and guidance to help me with decisions. It’s always been my dad, or my brothers and now my husband, Brendan. I don’t do the car insurance stuff, or the financing, deciding how much money to put towards loans or really, anything. Sounds pretty DE-pendant doesn’t it huh? But lets be honest, I know someone of you out there are the same way.

Since being married I’ve had to do a little more of that decision making stuff. But Being married in the military I’ve had to do a LOT more of it, and completely on my own. Most of it is car things but I’ve pretty much been thrown in with no warning. Its super fun, if you don’t know (not).

Since moving it seems as though Virginia keeps chewing my car up and spitting it back out at me, and I am the only one left to clean it up and figure it out. The first couple of weeks here my brakes were shaky. So obviously I had to take it in and get the brake pads and rotors replaced. A routine item but a costly one at that.

Two weeks ago I had a flat tire and didn’t know that. (I mentioned this in a previous post) I kept on driving and eventually shredded my tire and couldn’t accelerate. Brendan left for work and then bam, I was left to figure out the towing, AAA membership renewal, and finding a new tire process, and how to get to work all on my own. Then I was carless for 2 days.

This past Monday I was driving to work early in the morning and it was pitch black outside. And guess what decided to jump out. A DEER CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND HIT ME. Never happened to me before. I freaked out, slowed down and came to stop and started bawling. I was going 45 mph so it hit me hard. Thankfully I wasn’t hurt. I stayed in the car for a minute, what you’re supposed to do, and then saw a car slow down and stop right behind me. I figured they were going to get out and ask what happened. Nope! I got out of the car and looked at them, then they drove around me and took off. How rude! But then just 30 seconds later a police officer was right there and came to help me. I was still crying as he was asking me what happened. Oh and might I remind you that Brendan is gone,out in the field for the whole week and won’t find this out for 5 days…

We pulled into a gravel lot next to us and looked more at the damage. Stupid deer. I called my boss crying, I could barely get words out of my mouth. I told her I would call her back. I gave the officer license and registration and all that jazz, I got in the car and waited. I was distraught and all I could think was, “How am I going to make it through the week?! What is this going to cost? Is my car totaled? Will I get a ticket? AHHH!” I of course texted my whole family next. I then called my boss back and said I could leave in about 20 minutes and hopefully drive there. I started to calm down. But then the officer came back with the info and said it would be at least $1500! “$1500?! Are you crazy?! That deer better be good and dead for that kind of money!” I thought.

Why does everything bad happen when my husband is gone?

Coming home I had to figure out all of the fun stuff for when after a deer smashes into your car. That part, that’s where I just wanted to be like… “Can’t someone just make all of the decisions for me?? I don’t do this stuff!” But guess what, I had to. While on the phone with my car insurance company we got things figured out. Trying to get a rental car I found out that we didn’t have rental car insurance. They were telling me what my options were and I was getting confused. But then I stopped and thought logically, “Erin, you’re a military spouse and an adult, of course this sort of thing is going to happen again. So, just get the dang rental car insurance.”  Besides, it was super inexpensive anyways.

I did it. I made a decision all on my own and figured things out! Woohoo! Only took me 23 and half years, not too shabby I’d say. I am actually kidding, I hope you all know that. And also my mother-in-law came to my rescue this week. Now I have someone here with me and a car to drive. Thank you Jesus!

In all seriousness though. learning to become independent as a military spouse is not easy. You’re truly alone with no family around or close friends. I don’t know what to do half the time. But the absolutely wonderful thing about this lifestyle is, I am NOT alone. I had so many wives message me and offer their help, it made me feel so loved :). Right now, I am super thankful for that.

I am also starting to realize that I don’t always want the help or guidance of others when making decisions. Not to sound stubborn or hard headed. But now is a time where I am really learning how to make those important decisions, how it will affect both my husband and I financially, will it be a good idea in the future etc,. I feel like it is really a start of preparing me someday for a deployment when I really am alone. Even though this process can be stressful to go through I am really glad, in a way, that that deer did hit my car. Otherwise I wouldn’t have these experiences for when Brendan really is gone for a long while.

Even though he is gone and this week sucks we are taking it day by day. Part of me just wants him to be home so I can tell him I conquered the week without him! But, either way Friday can’t be here soon enough.

As Rosie Riveter says, “We can do it!”

Thanks for reading

~Erin