Raise your hand if you have ever heard at weddings or on TV someone says to their significant other, “You make me the happiest person in the world!” Yep, go ahead, raise your hand. We have all heard it and maybe said it. Why? Because we are naturally selfish people.
having little or no concern for oneself, especially with regard to fame, position, money, etc.; unselfish.
This word, selfless, has been hanging out in the back of my mind for a while now. To be honest, I don’t really like it. But, I feel I should write about it because, well, being selfless is DIFFICULT. And I want to write about difficult things.
If you were to ask me what the hardest thing about marriage is, it would be this topic right here. Being selfless versus selfish
One of the general reasons people say as to why they get married is “Because I love them and they make me the happiest person in the world!”
And then you get married. The butterflies and the “honeymoon” stage dies. Reality sets in.
Two people who want to be happy and in love but don’t always realize the work that goes into it. They want the other person to put the work in. Because that’s why you got married right? They make you the happiest person in the world.
You BOTH have to do the WORK.
I don’t doubt that some people understand this “selfless topic” before they get married. But I just see so much and hear so much nowadays where the idea of getting married is “for me” and not “for you”. And by that I mean, the person you are marrying is there to make me happy. They are there to focus on my dreams and goals, my thoughts, my timeline of when I want things done, there to spend time with me, they are to do what’s best for ME. Not necessarily the other way around.
Okay, not that your spouse shouldn’t make you happy, I think they should. But what I want to get at here is YOU.
The selfish person reading this.
And the selfish person who wrote this.
You might say this is a little harsh, thinking that you aren’t a selfish person, but guess what? You are a selfish person, we all are.
Before I got married people told me, “Oh you don’t realize how mean and selfish you are until you get married.” I kind of thought they were crazy. But then I got married and realized it was true. I was not aware of how selfish I could act or how rude I would be to my husband and NOT care about it.
Anyone else in this boat?
Lately, I have been getting to practice being selfless. And behind the scenes, I have been really upset. Why? I don’t want to be selfless and do what’s best for my husband, at least not all the time.
These first few months of the year Brendan has been going through the last phase of flight school. He has been gone a lot, stressed out, absent-minded, and busy. At our anniversary dinner, I didn’t feel so “lovey dovey” because I wasn’t getting the time I wanted with him. And then it got really stressful for everybody because of timelines, he couldn’t train for a short time, the weather wasn’t great to fly in, and we are moving soon, and yada yada. It has been a time where I have had to put my focus and energy into him so he could do his best. AKA becoming selfless.
Something I quite frequently say to my nieces and nephews is, “It is better to be selfless than to be selfish.” I had to remind myself of this phrase recently.
I guess its good to practice what I preach, haha.
But in all seriousness, this is a hard thing to do. And I don’t think that this is something you have to do 100% of the time or be perfect at it because it takes a little bit of time to learn how to be selfless in a marriage.
And if you’re asking in your head if my husband puts this into practice, yes he does. But being married to a Marine is something that will usually require me to be a little more selfless than I want to. But, I am more than okay with that because I want to be the best wife I can be.
I feel like I could write 5,000 more words on trying to become selfless. But if anything from this post sticks with you let it be this;
“It is better to be selfless than to be selfish.”
Thanks for reading,
Philippians 2:3-4 NIV (italics added) “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”