Starting All Over… Again

Here we go again. Our 3rd cross country move. From Nebraska to Virginia, Virginia to Florida, and Florida to California. It’s so weird to think that I’ve lived all of these places. If you would have asked me when I was 16 what I thought my life would look like in 10 years, I would’ve said, “I’ll be living in a big gray house in the mid-west, married with a couple of kids, have a golden retriever, a swing set and a trampoline in the backyard, with family and friends that visit all the time.”

HA!

Okay, I am married and have a Golden Retriever, so check that off the list.

But boy, did my life take a BIG turn to the East, and then to the South, and then all the way over to the West. I NEVER thought that I would live in California. But here I am and so far, it’s not that bad.

But in all seriousness, this move thankfully has been much smoother than the last 2. Preparing to move three and a half years ago, I think I had an anxiety attack at least every other day, if not every day, for MONTHS. Just thinking about it or how I would make it not knowing a single soul or having any family close by sent me into a downward spiral of worry.

It was a little better by move #2, which happened 6 months later. Point blank, at the time, let’s just say… I hated living in Virginia. Lord, help us all if we ever have to move back there. And now here we are, a month after move #3 to SoCal (Southern California), and you know what? I think we are doing just fine.

I prayed and prayed and PRAYED over this move. Knowing how change affects me, and really everyone for that matter, I wanted to be ahead as much as I could this time around. We did a pretty good job of that and I can honestly say that the only time I felt anxiety coming to beat me down was on April 1, when the movers came to pack up our things. After an hour of feeling stressed, anxious and worried, everything subsided. And then two days later we packed what was left and headed toward California.

Each time we move, the hardest part is not physically moving across the country. The hardest part is when you get there, and then a few days later realize that you have to start all over… Again. And it always hits me, “Why did I forget about this part?” And as much fun as it is to start exploring a new place, you go to sleep knowing that when you wake up, you start back at square 1.

And somewhere, in the chaos of unpacking, finding the grocery store, arguing with your husband for the 78th time, finding a new place to live, getting lost in town because you have no data left to use your GPS, trying to find the pair of scissors you put somewhere… you have to find the strength and motivation to start again.

It’s certainly easier this time, but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t hard. Two weeks ago I was definitely feeling down, and thinking, “I just want this process to be over with, I want to already be in a new normal, have good friends, a church, I want everything to be settled.” I wanted to skip ahead a few months and not learn anything in the “starting over again” process. And truthfully there are days where I haven’t done anything to find the motivation to start again. Because frankly, we’ll be moving in no more than a year… again. And there is this little voice inside that basically says, “Why bother? It’s just going to happen again, and again and again.” Fortunately, this is my 3rd time around the block. And guess what? I don’t let that little voice be the guiding one.

So each day I wake up, I will focus on finding the motivation to start again, to find good people around me, a new job, a new normal, and to find my way around without GPS (that’s the real kicker).

Let’s do this!

Thanks for reading,

~Erin