Shortly after starting therapy and taking medication for my anxiety I began to experience longer periods of time where anxiety wasn’t present. First it started out with just a few days, then it would be a week, then it would be a couple of weeks, to now usually going a full month without experiencing severe anxiety. Pretty great right?
Every time I experience those longer stents without anxiety I feel on top of the world. Life feels peaceful, purposeful, enjoyable, and content. Then, when the anxiety comes around again it can feel like a punch to the gut. Which leaves me feeling like, “Have I not made any progress? Am I doing something wrong? Why do I still feel like this?”
Because I am so exhaustingly aware of anxiety now, my experience with it is different than how it used to feel. It’s a good thing, really. But, that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t still suck, because TRUST ME, it sucks, big time.
I have made a lot of good progress, I am not doing anything wrong to worsen the anxiety, and yet sometimes I still feel dreadfully anxious. Guess what?
As I have mentioned in previous posts, the goal for my anxiety is not to be rid of it. The goal is to heal from it and healthily manage the anxious emotions, symptoms, and feelings when they DO come. Deep down do I wish it would go away forever? YEP. But again, that’s not the goal. And as Christians we are not promised perfect or easy lives.
James 1:2-3 NIV "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance."
All this to say while those waves of anxiety suck when they come back it doesn’t mean that I am any less, or am doing something wrong. For when I am weak then I am strong. I have had to remind myself of that quite often.
So if your anxiety, or mental health struggles, are coming back to bite you in the a**, it’s OKAY. This too, shall pass.
How can I say that? Because I’m living proof that it really won’t last forever.
Thanks for reading,
~Erin, The Short Wife